As I ran today I was thinking, I couldn’t wait to get fit again, but as I kept running I began to question that statement. When will I be happy with where I’m at? When I can run 10km with ease again? When my pace is “fast enough”? When will I be enough?
I often spend so much time thinking about the next thing, the next goal, the next adventure, the next whatever, that I don’t enjoy my current accomplishment or how far I’ve come. Unfortunately a byproduct is that I never really consider myself as “good enough”. Whether that be good enough for my dream career, my dream lifestyle, or even good enough to slow down a little and appreciate how far I’ve come. I think a big part of my reasoning for not wanting to return to New Zealand is that I don’t yet feel like I’ve accomplished enough to return. To a certain extent, I’m sure most of us think that as soon as we do this, be this, or learn this, then we’ll be happy. That continuous pursuit is exhausting and of course detrimental to our mental health.
To find life’s purpose. Have no judgements, no expectations, and give up the need to know what happens tomorrow. Be fully present and appreciate all that is in your life right now – Caroline Myss
The mindset of always striving for the next thing and not appreciating the journey becomes increasingly frustrating. Now in my 30s, it feels like I have spent years grinding but in no real direction. Moving from one thing to the next, always hoping that whatever that next thing is, it will bring satisfaction. While many of my peers have focused early on and built somewhat of an empire I’m still trying to find my direction. But then again, at least I now know what I don’t want to do, and maybe my story is the “direction”? and everything else is just building blocks in some unimaginable creation. An extrapolation of our chance to exist in this finite form. I know it’s wrong to compare myself to someone else, and that at some point my life and my journey will all make sense.
Yoga & meditation teacher, Rod Stryker, talks about building gratitude for the present moment by reflecting on everything that has aligned for you to get to this point, I find this really powerful. It’s time to start appreciating more, even the fact that I was able to live here in London, where others struggle is an accomplishment. Even getting all the way from New Zealand to London for that matter! I’m sure a little gentleness will go a long way, and when I start seeing each moment as the “end result”, because that’s all there really is, I think life feels lighter. There is no future, just blurred lines, and crossed paths connecting us to something greater than ourselves.
You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life. – Steve Jobs
We are the past, present, and future. So yeah, let’s try to enjoy it. Let’s create a better present for our “future” selves. It doesn’t have to be poetic, just the mere understanding that this is all we have, and all that we are is enough.
“Life Consists Entirely of the Present Moment”. – Eckhart Tolle